feels like starting over

Hi there peeps!  I bet you thought you were never going to hear from me again!   Am I right?

Despite not writing a single blog post in 2014, I never actually left, and I didn't stop running, I just wasn't documenting my running failures on the blogosphere for all to see.

2014 wasn't a great year for me personally.  Yep, I'm still dealing with my arthritis pain. In early 2014, I started having episodes of vertigo, and let me tell you, having the world spin around you can really screw things up! I have to say though, it can also make running a lot more interesting. The cause?  Could be hormonal, could be migraine related..... who knows?? I tried the PT route (hoping it was benign positional vertigo, but no such luck), had an MRI and am no closer to an answer. So now my world view is tilted from time to time.

But by far the worst and saddest thing that happened in 2014 was that my dad died.

My dad and me 1965.

It was a long summer for him, starting with a full cardiac arrest on July 15th. He recovered from that, but began a long downward spiral health-wise. 11 hospitalizations from July to October. It was a really tough time for him. His heart was not functioning well and he had other complications that proved impossible for his team of doctors to solve.

In late October, he, along with my mom, made the difficult decision to enter into hospice care, and he went home on October 30. He died 7 days later on November 6 at 6:45 a.m.  He spent the week surrounded by family and friends. Gracious, kind and loving until the end, he didn't complain at all about any of his pains or just the f-ing unfairness of it all.  I am so grateful that I was able to care for him during his final week and was with him when he died. It was such a gift to have that time with him. 

And here we are again! June 2014.

He was an amazing man and I'm lucky to have been his daughter.  I miss him every day.

But, back to the siren call of running (because that is the focus of this blog)..... Running was always waiting for me, making me feel envious when I saw people running, whispering to "C'mon out!"  It kept calling to me through the year. I ran when I could, but it certainly wasn't on a regular basis. I had signed up for races and ended up running them despite sometimes having done NO training runs at all. (Maybe I'll write about some of the races in upcoming posts.  I had some pretty great experiences and crossed paths with some fabulous fellow runners!)  Sometimes running brought a feeling of comfort, and other times it just felt really, really good to go out and make myself feel like crap.

Running is kind of like the old friend that you haven't seen for years and years, but when you get together, it's like you haven't spent a day apart (well, except for the wheezing from being so horrifically out of shape.)  I've missed my friend, and I'm ready to spend time with that friend again.  Like, on a regular basis. So I don't have to wheeze so much.

On another note, did I mention that I'm turning 50 this year? 
FIFTY.
Fiff-Tee. 
Five zero.
As in, fifty YEARS.

How the hell did THAT happen??
I know, I know....one second at a time.

Anywhoo....... since I'm turning 50, I thought I'd scare myself a little. So I signed up for Grandma's again.  Then I thought I would scare myself more.  I'm signing up for the Twin Cities marathon when registration opens on February 3rd. Fingers crossed that I can get in!! If that doesn't work out for me, I'm going to find another fish to fry.  I'm going to try to keep up on my blog this year, if for no other reason than to document "The year that I turned 50!"  As part of my legacy, you know. (Cuz I'm sure that some day, my kids will be interested in my ongoing quest for the perfect sports bra...... how I perfected the snot rocket during the winter of 2015..... and other fascinating aspects of running while middle-aged.)  I'm also going to finds ways to honor my dad throughout the year. I may or may not document those activities here....

So that's where things are for me right now.  Hope you are all doing well.  Here's to a happy, healthy 2015.